Another R&D Success?

I've just been handed a memo that states the R&D Department will begin experimenting with the gravity field resequencer sometime last summer.

These rails appear to have divorced the roadbed.

Their experiments have resulted in some sort of gravity resistant rail head.

"In hindsight, we probably should have set the floaty ones aside from the regular ones. Or maybe marked them or something, I don't know. Too late now," Dan Bob stated in an internal memo. 

It goes without saying that levitating railroad tracks could pose potentially problematic for future operations. We dispatched the best and brightest of the track gang to solve the potential problem.

Crews find themselves at a loss for words. Or actions.

BCRR crews tried everything they could think of to bring the rails back to Earth, including but not limited to, standing, jumping, yelling, sitting, marriage counseling, fatherly advice, bribery, thinly veiled threats, and general tomfoolery, all to no effect.

Ride 'em, cowboy!

After days or possibly hours of trying, crews were ready to give up.

Testing the tourist attraction potential.

Time to call in the heavy artillery! This time we needed the expertise of Larry, Daryl, Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel's Gravitic Field Resequencing! They arrived in their newly acquired hi-rail truck in short order, and assessed the scene.

"How did you pull this off?!"

While we would normally stay and document the entire repair process with hundreds of still photos, video clips, interviews, interactive video schematics, and other such quality reporting techniques, but the equipment used to realign the universe would interfere with any and all recording equipment. That, and we were hungry for all you could eat flapjacks at the diner. We're gonna go ahead and assume everything is going good at the jobsite.

More as it develops.

A Look At: The BCCEC

It's been quite a while since we've updated anything, and let me assure you that since the accident, we've been busy getting absolutely no work done around here. Around town, however, things have been happening just fine without our meddling. This seems like a prime time to start a new series of articles called "A Look At." These articles will take a closer look at local businesses. Take, for example, the Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center!

Behold! The fabled Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center, in all its glory!

The Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center, not to be confused with the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, first opened its doors in February 2013. The unusual structure was specially designed to maximize internal capacity while minimizing external dimensions. The mission statement of the Cultural Enrichment Center is "To bring color to people's lives," and they have developed quite the process for doing such. We sat down for some Q&A with Peter Peterson, Administrator of the BCCEC.

PP: "When people come here, it's because they've been leading drab, bland, boring existences, devoid of anything worth noting. We change that."

A fresh batch of patients, newly admitted to the BCCEC.

PP: "The first thing we do is categorize our patients. We've found that most people will fall into one of a handful of categories. Blue collar, business class, outdoorsy, there's a few more, but not many"

BCRR: "Isn't that stereotyping?"

PP: "We prefer the term categorizing."

BCRR: "Ok. Moving on."

Patients getting their first infusion.

PP: "After categorization, patients are then custom fitted with a color palette. Layer by layer, the color is added."

BCRR: "What happens if someone doesn't like the colors selected for them?"

PP: "We have ways of... dealing with that."

The BCCEC courtyard during activity time.

PP: "Our patients generally stay less than a month. In that month, they have access to our courtyard, complete with color pools."

BCRR: "Color pools?"

PP: "Yes. Color pools. Pools with color."

BCRR: "Lots of color."

PP: "It's kind of our thing."

BCRR: "Fair enough."

A group prepares for release.

PP: "After treatment, patients are then prepared to return to their regular lives. The pre-discharge preparation process includes decorating classes, wardrobe lectures, and electroshock therapy."

BCRR: "Shock treatment?"

PP: "Electroshock therapy, yes."

BCRR: "What's the purpose of that?"

PP: "I can't discuss that."

BCRR: "Are you sure that's necessary?"

PP: "We don't tell you how to lay track."

BCRR: "Touche."

PP: "I think we're done here."

I don't think we're going to be invited back. That's all for today, folks. We hope you've enjoyed our inaugural episode of A Look At, and welcome your (positive) feedback. Join us next time as we take a closer look at Another Place, coming Someday to an internet near you!

Tragedy! And other everyday occurrences.

While work has been progressing relatively nicely, there can be no victory without sacrifice. Earlier this week, a tragic accident befell our intrepid crew. While working with a Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler, a crewman made contact with the wrong part of the device, suffering severe burns.

A Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler. Notice it has a hot end, and a not hot end.

Emergency crews were called to the scene in short order. The crewman's injuries appeared worse than they actually were. What appeared at first to be charred flesh was actually transferred oil from the fusion enabler. The wounds were cleaned, disinfected, and bandaged. 

A rare glimpse at what "stupid" actually looks like.

 A brief investigation determined the cause of the accident to be sheer stupidity. The crewman's hand is expected to make a full recovery. His pride, however, may never play the fiddle again.

24 hours after the accident.

In light of this tragic tragedy, The Powers That Be saw fit to hire a new shop foreman! Dan Bob brings with him a budding interest in tiny railroads, a flourishing education in the electrical and mechanical fields, his own Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler, and, perhaps most importantly, his own health insurance policy! We were unable to interview him for this release, as he is busy settling into his role as shop foreman. We will make our best efforts to snag a quote from him as soon as he shows up at the shop again.

More as it develops.

Wolf River, Bridged Version

Greetings!

Our prefabricated bridge finally arrived! Due to legal constraints, photography was not allowed during the transportation or installation phases. Once the crews cleared the scene, however, we were able to move and show off this marvel of modern technology.

Quite literally, a bridge over troubled water!

Supply and Acquisitions was happy to report that we received a deep discount due to a structural defect in the bridge the vendor's desire to enhance our service experience. We have been assured that the defect will probably cause the bridge to collapse bridge has been manufactured to the highest quality and safety standards.

We apologize for the blurred image. It's hard to hold a photographer steady when he's on the end of a fishing pole.

With only minor alterations, the bridge set into the abutments snugly, and pose a serious risk of collapse should stand firm for decades to come. We are excited to lay track across it and see what happens get freight moving safely across the Wolf River.

DISCLAIMER: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS BRIDGE

The paint crew soon moved in and painted the abutments Drizzle Grey. However, they seem to have turned a bluish hue sometime after. This is indicative of severe structural instability remains a mystery.

Grey is actually blue. Who knew?

A random observer (name forgotten withheld) was quoted as saying, "Maybe they shouldn't hire painters that are color blind." 

In response, Chris S., VP of Construction said, "Poppycock! There's bluish concrete all over the world! Just hold your breath when you look at it! It'll turn blue! Or you'll turn blue! Whatever. Point is, there's gonna be blue involved!"

Do us all a favor and pretend you don't see any tracks in this image. Thank you.

Well, you know what they say: "All's blue that ends blue."

More as it develops.

Where have I been?

Working, that's where! It's been quite some time since you've heard from us, but let me assure you that we have been busy busy busy! While I've got a lot to bring you up to speed on, I'm going to do it a little at a time so as not to overload you. And rest assured, I have been properly punished for not updating the blog as I work.

Let's see, where did we last leave off? Ah, the dirt.

With the completion of dirt moving operations, the next step was to bridge the gap known as Wolf River, which for those of you in the know, is the bigger, meaner, wolfier version of Wolf Creek. While our prefabricated bridge is on back order, we set to work pouring concrete footings, abutments, backfill, and other things that sound much dirtier than they actually are. We only ran into one teensy, tiny little problem...

No one here knows anything about concrete.

Enter Larry, Daryl, and Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel Concrete Construction!

Larry, Daryl, and Darrel to the rescue!

With minimal persuasion, they set to work hauling and pouring and forming and smashing and cursing and hammering and hauling some more and pouring again and generally making a lot of noise. We managed to catch Larry during a "union break" for an interview.

"This is a big job. Big jobs take time, and money. And we all know time IS money. So really, a job like this just takes money. Lots and lots of money. And if you've got the money, well, we've got the time."

And money we had! It wasn't long at all until the team moved into the backfill stage of operations.

Daryl and Darrel put the finishing touches on the backfill while Larry looks important.

With minimal persuasion, Larry, Daryl, and Darrel finished the job at hand in a reasonable timeframe.

The sun rises on the 37th day of concrete work.

While some might balk at our somewhat extended period of operations, I would like to state that they have an excellent point. Unfortunately, as per previous statements, we don't know anything about concrete or the pouring thereof, so we are really at the mercy of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel Concrete Construction.

It may have taken 36 days longer than initially projected, and it may have cost 487% more than originally estimated, but in the long run, we are pleased with the overall results.

More as it develops.

(PS. Special thanks to Russ and the Passumpsic Mountain Railroad for loan of the concrete trucks!)

Hooray for dirt!

The recent infusion of Christmas money has breathed new life into the Beecher City Railroad!

With the removal of Chucky and Hayato the Ninja Mouse (who is still missing), our crews have been working with less mortal fear and more peanut butter. This renewed vigor has led to rapid completion of roadbed laying operations and most pre-track right-of-way work. Completion of roadbed preparation (photo lost in the Great Chicago fire) has paved the way, literally, for the next big project:

DIRT MOVING!

Forced to outsource the job, today we brought in Larry, Daryl, and Darrel, from Larry, Daryl, and Darrel's Dirt, local experts in moving massive amounts of Hat Box Brown dirt.

Meet Larry, Daryl, and Darrel. These guys know dirt!

With only minimal persuasion, they set to work. When they say "local experts in moving massive amounts of Hat Box Brown dirt," they mean three guys that are really really good at relocating copious quantities of Hat Box Brown dirt!

Go, guys, go!

It seemed like only an hour before they were celebrating the completion of the job.

In truth, it took approximately 60 minutes.

With only minimal persuasion, they packed up their equipment and headed home. Congratulations on a job well done, men! Cream sodas for everybody!

Should he be driving that on the road?

With the dirt in place, we are now prepared to begin laying track! Please, try to contain your excitement. We hope to bring you another groundbreaking update next Saturday. Before we go, let me pose a question. Does anybody have an idea what Chucky was up to in the workshop before INS deported him? Our investigative team went in to do whatever an investigative team does and has not been heard from since. We are open to theories. Leave your comments below.

More as it develops.

Happenings

Well, there's been a lot going around here lately. The roadbed is nearly complete, and we are gearing up to bring in a whole lot of dirt. After the dirt is put in place, we will begin the long and arduously exciting job of laying track. A recent grant has infused us with just enough money to make things move. We're still a long way from being profitable, but it's a start!

It's not all fun and games here, though. The fine folks at the Immigration and Naturalization Service recently raided our shop. As it turns out, the Chucky doll that had recently been promoted to the shop foreman position was actually made in Taiwan and lacked the proper paperwork to be gainfully employed in the United States. He has subsequently been deported, and the BCRR was forced to pay $1.37 in fines. 

Hayato the ninja mouse was terminated after he was caught pilfering peanut butter from various mousetraps on the property. Management has demanded that he vacate the property immediately, however, no one can find him.

With the recent personnel changes, Christoph, VP of Human resources, has asked me to pass on the following press release:

"NOW HIRING! THE BEECHER CITY RAILROAD HAS IMMEDIATE OPENINGS FOR THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS:

IN-HOUSE NINJA

THIS POSITION REQUIRES THAT THE APPLICANT BE FULLY TRAINED AND EXPERIENCED. JOB REQUIREMENTS INCLUDE DISAPPEARING AT THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF WORK, LEAVING OBSCURE MESSAGES IN RANDOM PLACES, AND ACTING GENERALLY WEIRD EVEN WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING.

MANIACAL SHOP FOREMAN

THIS POSITION REQUIRES THAT THE APPLICANT HAVE A PHD IN SOMETHING NO ONE HAS HEARD OF. PASSING KNOWLEDGE OF RAILROADS A PLUS. STOCK OF MINIONS/HENCHMEN PREFERRED BUT NOT REQUIRED. JOB REQUIREMENTS INCLUDE COMING UP WITH AND FAILING TO EXECUTE RIDICULOUS "EVIL" PLOTS, YELLING INCOHERENTLY AT UNDERPAID MINIONS, AND MANIC GIGGLING. LOTS OF GIGGLING.

CAPS LOCK REPAIR PERSON

EXPERIENCE REQUIRED

ALL JOB POSITIONS INCLUDE A FREE HAM SANDWICH* UPON HIRING! 

*WHILE SUPPLIES LAST"

More as it develops.

Mysterious happenings.

Passersby have noticed strange lights and noises coming from the BCRR workshop as of late. They have described it as "clanging, banging, some sort of flopping, and manic giggling. Lots of giggling."

Security footage (attached below) shows no one coming or going from the workshop since the shutdown was announced.

What sort of strange and wonderful things could be going on in there?

More as it develops.

What the?!

Testing Blogger mobile app for Android, as the website is unusable on a phone.

Just wanted to say this:

When did we get so much roadbed laid?!

Press Release 7-19-12

It's been a while since you've seen any updates from the BCRR. For that, we apologize. Life has been extremely busy for everyone involved, and the new changes Google has made to the Blogger interface make it pretty much impossible to draft new posts from a mobile device. Now, I know that there's an app for that, but it is possibly the WORST RATED GOOGLE APP OUT THERE. As such, I am leery of even downloading it.

Nevertheless, life has been going on as normal (more accurately, as our approximation of "normal") in the BCRR HQ. Little work has been accomplished due to the massive amounts of schedule conflicts. Crews have been building up the roadbed and doing right-of-way work, but it's slow going. Basically, we lay 261 (scale) feet of roadbed, then have to tamp and compress (put blocks and weights on it) for several hours before moving on to the next section. As I said, it's slow going, but at least it's going.

Supply and Acquisitions recently secured another stock of Loctite PL300 Foamboard Adhesive, a critical ingredient in the laying of roadbed. S&A also located a new soldering gun of the proper size and wattage for an incredible price. They did not, however, purchase one.

We have also managed to acquire some paint. Now, that may not sound very exciting, but when you think about it, and I mean REALLY think about it, it isn't. As soon as all the roadbed is lain, or laid, or whatever, we will use this Pittsburgh Paints Hatbox Brown Ultra Interior Flat Latex to cover the stark white extruded polystyrene beadboard that is our local terrain. What that boils down to, kids, is that if we should happen to have an area of ground that is missed by whatever terraforming operation is performed on it, it should appear to be dirt, instead of freakishly white styrofoam.

In seemingly unrelated news, while Chris S., V.P. of Construction, hasn't been present on the job site, he has been very busy scoring a 97% on his Fire Academy Firefighter 2 Module A exam. As such, he is academically at the top of his class. Yay.

Every silver lining has a cloud. This influx and possible overload of BCRR news comes at a price. What follows is a transcript of a press release televised earlier today by the Big Cheese himself, Chris Sipe.

"Hello, everyone, thank you for coming, please have a seat. As President and CEO of Beecher City's largest and most successful railroad, sometimes I get to sit back, relax, and simply enjoy watching all the gears turn and hearing the whistles blow. Other times, I have to step up, put on my big boy pants, and make the hard decisions. Unfortunately, this is one of those times.

"As you all know, we have been under serious financial burdens lately. Most of us have found ways to tighten the belt and cut costs, and for that I thank you, but it simply isn't enough. I'm afraid the most recent blow may have been the proverbial nail in the proverbial coffin. Replacing the refrigerator in the break room tapped us out. It's sad to say, but we can't even afford to keep Robot Management Unit K8-e plugged in anymore. I guess it's just as well. We really don't need her to tell us we're broke right now.

"Before I go on, I want each and every one of my employees to know that I care deeply for them and their families, and this decision was not at all easy. It was your hard work and sacrifice that has gotten to where we are today, and that sacrifice will not be forgotten. That being said, I'm afraid I'm left with no choice but to shut down bigger part of the BCRR and lay most of you off.

"My advisers, who will also be laid off, suggested that I announce exactly which departments will be shut down. After reviewing the lists, I've decided that it will be much faster and easier to announce which departments will continue operation. The following departments will report to work tomorrow as scheduled. If your department is not on this list, unfortunately, you will not be employed at the conclusion of this meeting. For what little consolation it is, I intend to recall certain departments as needs require and finances allow. So, without further gilding of the lily and with no more adieu, I give you the list of departments still operating tomorrow:

Track gang

"The VPs of each department will stay on staff to run their individual departments. All correspondence for the Construction Department should be directed to Chris S. Human Resource needs go to Christoph. R&D needs go to C. Dale Sipe. Public Relations is and forever shall be a one-man department, and CD Sipe will continue to manage it.

"Again, thank you for coming. That is all."

More as it develops.

Monday Morning Update

For those of you who might be thinking we haven't gotten anything done on the railroad in quite some time, allow me to clear something up for you:

We haven't.

Due to the mishap surrounding the track planning for the grain co-op spur, our contract with the co-op had to be renegotiated. Under the new terms, BCRR is required to compensate the co-op for lost revenue by providing labor crews for the construction of grain handling equipment. Since we are waiting on supplies, we have elected to employ our track gang at the co-op. They are making excellent progress. Whenever more track supplies arrive, we expect to reassign the track gang and possibly outsource labor on behalf of the BCGC.

More as it develops.

Intercepted email

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Weekly Update

Here's what happened this weekend on the BCRR this weekend:




























More as it develops.

Disaster!

BREAKING NEWS!

Engineers have just discovered a disastrous error on the part of the survey crew! A mainline curve has been marked with the wrong radius, which means all subsequent measurements are incorrect. The miscalculation was made approximately 35% into the surveying process, which was thought to have been completed successfully. That means 70% of the inner mainline must be resurveyed and marked again.

While this could potentially spell disaster for the budding company, it does explain the difficulties encountered during the original survey process. It also lends itself to the recent disputes with the local grain co-op discussed in our last article.

BCRR upper management has yet to pin the blame on any specific individual, declining to comment on what this means to stockholders. Chris Sipe, President and CEO, has scheduled a press conference for Someday afternoon.

More as it develops.

We apologize

for the lack of updates. Things have been increasingly rough around the BCRR as of late. About 60% of the surveying (marking track lines) has been completed. Unexpected difficulties have driven the design team back to their desks to reevaluate the overall blueprint. What was "plenty of room" on the blueprint turned out to be a severely tight fit on the workbench.

Disputes between BCRR staff and the local grain co-op have halted all progress. Major disputes involve clearance regulation and setback requirements. Management on both sides are keeping a tight lid on proceedings.

In other news, recent changes to the blogger format mean that anyone should be able to post comments without first registering with blogger! We look forward to your feedback, and ask that you please post your name or initials with anonymous posts so we can have some small idea from whence our feedback doth spring.

More as it develops.

Lab Report 4/3/2012

Here's another report from the R&D department.

"Loctite PL300 Foamboard adhesive tests are complete. We tested 3 pieces using different techniques for applying the adhesive.

Using a dab resulted in an incredibly strong bond. However, the excess adhesive was pushed out of the sides of the test piece, creating a potential distortion in the height of surrounding pieces.

Using a dab that was spread with a putty knife resulted in the same incredible bond without the pushing effect.

Using a small dab spread very thin obviously created no pushing problems. What's amazing is that the bond appears every bit as strong as the other samples! In fact, since the adhesive had been thoroughly spread across the surface of the test piece, the bond is even stronger, since no part of the piece is untouched by adhesive.

We have concluded that the Loctite PL300 Foamboard adhesive is perfectly suited for our needs."

There it is, folks. Another problem solved!

More as it develops.

Lab Report 4/2/2012

Here's a report from the R&D department.

"Our preliminary adhesive tests are complete. When attempting to adhere our Woodland Scenics Track Bed to our Styrofoam subroadbed, we tested the adhesive qualities of DAP Woodweld Carpenter's Wood Glue alongside Colorplace Clear All-purpose Silicon Sealant.

After 1 hour, the wood glue exhibited little to no tack. The silicon sealant exhibited strong tack, showing great promise.

After 24 hours, the wood glue had not dried and had no tack. The silicon had set up sufficiently but provided very little tack and released the test piece with little effort.

We have on hand a tube of Liquid Nails project adhesive and a tube of Loctite PL300 Foamboard adhesive. We will not conduct a test on the Liquid Nails, as it is not recommended for foam to foam adhesion. We will begin testing the Loctite as soon as the lab is cleared of screaming toddlers."

More as it develops.

Mystery Solved!

Jeff S. has been identified as the newest member of our Board of Directors! Here's a quote from Chris Sipe, President and CEO:

"Thanks to his hard work and dedication to the cause, I'm proud to welcome Jeff S. to the Beecher City Railroad Board of Directors! He has already made significant contributions to our company, and I look forward to working with him in the future."

Jeff brings with him an expert knowledge of woodcraft, and the kind of expertise in fasteners and adhesives that can only come from years and years and years (and years) of sticking stuff together.

As an added bonus, with the summary dismissal of Katie S. from the Board, Jeff is now the only living member of the Board of Directors, making him Chairman de facto! Congratulations, Jeff!

Jeff declined to comment.

Intercepted email

Here in Public Relations we have acquired a copy of an email sent from President/CEO Chris Sipe to Jeff S.

"FROM: Christopher Sipe <-------------@gmail.com>
TO: Jeff S------ <----.----@gmail.com>
SUBJECT: RE: missed you Sunday
March 28, 2012 8:22am

Oh yeah. Forgot all about it. Been so busy with work I haven't had time to do anything on the railroad.

I've had a couple ideas about this curve thing. One was to cut out a couple of half circles of cardboard (so much cheaper and easier to handle) to use as guides. One would be 22" radius and the other would be 24".

Another idea was to just one guide shaped kind of like a C, with the inner curve 22" and the outer 24" but I'm afraid that would be hard to line up with the lines from the tangen track.

A third idea I had that would work in conjuncture with the other two is to add a little straight lead-in piece to each guide, making the half circle more of a tombstone shape and the C more of a U. That way I could just line up the lead-in pieces with the lines from the tangent track, draw the curve extending beyond the end of the actual curve, draw the next tangent line, then erase or disregard the excess curve line.

I expect this to be the second most difficult task I'm facing, next to the original track planning stage."

Who is this mysterious Jeff? What "work" is the President and CEO of the Beecher City Railroad doing that keeps him from the railroad? Does his loyalty lie elsewhere? What could this mean for the future of the company? We can only speculate at this point. We welcome your comments and suggestions.

More as it develops.

Terrafoaming complete!

The bridge unit has been completed and all foam top has been attached. Due to the late hour, there will be no interviews tonight. Chris Sipe, President and CEO, has scheduled a press conference for Someday afternoon. Stay tuned for in-depth coverage!