Another R&D Success?

I've just been handed a memo that states the R&D Department will begin experimenting with the gravity field resequencer sometime last summer.

These rails appear to have divorced the roadbed.

Their experiments have resulted in some sort of gravity resistant rail head.

"In hindsight, we probably should have set the floaty ones aside from the regular ones. Or maybe marked them or something, I don't know. Too late now," Dan Bob stated in an internal memo. 

It goes without saying that levitating railroad tracks could pose potentially problematic for future operations. We dispatched the best and brightest of the track gang to solve the potential problem.

Crews find themselves at a loss for words. Or actions.

BCRR crews tried everything they could think of to bring the rails back to Earth, including but not limited to, standing, jumping, yelling, sitting, marriage counseling, fatherly advice, bribery, thinly veiled threats, and general tomfoolery, all to no effect.

Ride 'em, cowboy!

After days or possibly hours of trying, crews were ready to give up.

Testing the tourist attraction potential.

Time to call in the heavy artillery! This time we needed the expertise of Larry, Daryl, Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel's Gravitic Field Resequencing! They arrived in their newly acquired hi-rail truck in short order, and assessed the scene.

"How did you pull this off?!"

While we would normally stay and document the entire repair process with hundreds of still photos, video clips, interviews, interactive video schematics, and other such quality reporting techniques, but the equipment used to realign the universe would interfere with any and all recording equipment. That, and we were hungry for all you could eat flapjacks at the diner. We're gonna go ahead and assume everything is going good at the jobsite.

More as it develops.

A Look At: The BCCEC

It's been quite a while since we've updated anything, and let me assure you that since the accident, we've been busy getting absolutely no work done around here. Around town, however, things have been happening just fine without our meddling. This seems like a prime time to start a new series of articles called "A Look At." These articles will take a closer look at local businesses. Take, for example, the Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center!

Behold! The fabled Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center, in all its glory!

The Beecher City Cultural Enrichment Center, not to be confused with the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, first opened its doors in February 2013. The unusual structure was specially designed to maximize internal capacity while minimizing external dimensions. The mission statement of the Cultural Enrichment Center is "To bring color to people's lives," and they have developed quite the process for doing such. We sat down for some Q&A with Peter Peterson, Administrator of the BCCEC.

PP: "When people come here, it's because they've been leading drab, bland, boring existences, devoid of anything worth noting. We change that."

A fresh batch of patients, newly admitted to the BCCEC.

PP: "The first thing we do is categorize our patients. We've found that most people will fall into one of a handful of categories. Blue collar, business class, outdoorsy, there's a few more, but not many"

BCRR: "Isn't that stereotyping?"

PP: "We prefer the term categorizing."

BCRR: "Ok. Moving on."

Patients getting their first infusion.

PP: "After categorization, patients are then custom fitted with a color palette. Layer by layer, the color is added."

BCRR: "What happens if someone doesn't like the colors selected for them?"

PP: "We have ways of... dealing with that."

The BCCEC courtyard during activity time.

PP: "Our patients generally stay less than a month. In that month, they have access to our courtyard, complete with color pools."

BCRR: "Color pools?"

PP: "Yes. Color pools. Pools with color."

BCRR: "Lots of color."

PP: "It's kind of our thing."

BCRR: "Fair enough."

A group prepares for release.

PP: "After treatment, patients are then prepared to return to their regular lives. The pre-discharge preparation process includes decorating classes, wardrobe lectures, and electroshock therapy."

BCRR: "Shock treatment?"

PP: "Electroshock therapy, yes."

BCRR: "What's the purpose of that?"

PP: "I can't discuss that."

BCRR: "Are you sure that's necessary?"

PP: "We don't tell you how to lay track."

BCRR: "Touche."

PP: "I think we're done here."

I don't think we're going to be invited back. That's all for today, folks. We hope you've enjoyed our inaugural episode of A Look At, and welcome your (positive) feedback. Join us next time as we take a closer look at Another Place, coming Someday to an internet near you!

Tragedy! And other everyday occurrences.

While work has been progressing relatively nicely, there can be no victory without sacrifice. Earlier this week, a tragic accident befell our intrepid crew. While working with a Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler, a crewman made contact with the wrong part of the device, suffering severe burns.

A Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler. Notice it has a hot end, and a not hot end.

Emergency crews were called to the scene in short order. The crewman's injuries appeared worse than they actually were. What appeared at first to be charred flesh was actually transferred oil from the fusion enabler. The wounds were cleaned, disinfected, and bandaged. 

A rare glimpse at what "stupid" actually looks like.

 A brief investigation determined the cause of the accident to be sheer stupidity. The crewman's hand is expected to make a full recovery. His pride, however, may never play the fiddle again.

24 hours after the accident.

In light of this tragic tragedy, The Powers That Be saw fit to hire a new shop foreman! Dan Bob brings with him a budding interest in tiny railroads, a flourishing education in the electrical and mechanical fields, his own Portable High Temperature Metallic Fusion Enabler, and, perhaps most importantly, his own health insurance policy! We were unable to interview him for this release, as he is busy settling into his role as shop foreman. We will make our best efforts to snag a quote from him as soon as he shows up at the shop again.

More as it develops.

Wolf River, Bridged Version

Greetings!

Our prefabricated bridge finally arrived! Due to legal constraints, photography was not allowed during the transportation or installation phases. Once the crews cleared the scene, however, we were able to move and show off this marvel of modern technology.

Quite literally, a bridge over troubled water!

Supply and Acquisitions was happy to report that we received a deep discount due to a structural defect in the bridge the vendor's desire to enhance our service experience. We have been assured that the defect will probably cause the bridge to collapse bridge has been manufactured to the highest quality and safety standards.

We apologize for the blurred image. It's hard to hold a photographer steady when he's on the end of a fishing pole.

With only minor alterations, the bridge set into the abutments snugly, and pose a serious risk of collapse should stand firm for decades to come. We are excited to lay track across it and see what happens get freight moving safely across the Wolf River.

DISCLAIMER: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS BRIDGE

The paint crew soon moved in and painted the abutments Drizzle Grey. However, they seem to have turned a bluish hue sometime after. This is indicative of severe structural instability remains a mystery.

Grey is actually blue. Who knew?

A random observer (name forgotten withheld) was quoted as saying, "Maybe they shouldn't hire painters that are color blind." 

In response, Chris S., VP of Construction said, "Poppycock! There's bluish concrete all over the world! Just hold your breath when you look at it! It'll turn blue! Or you'll turn blue! Whatever. Point is, there's gonna be blue involved!"

Do us all a favor and pretend you don't see any tracks in this image. Thank you.

Well, you know what they say: "All's blue that ends blue."

More as it develops.

Where have I been?

Working, that's where! It's been quite some time since you've heard from us, but let me assure you that we have been busy busy busy! While I've got a lot to bring you up to speed on, I'm going to do it a little at a time so as not to overload you. And rest assured, I have been properly punished for not updating the blog as I work.

Let's see, where did we last leave off? Ah, the dirt.

With the completion of dirt moving operations, the next step was to bridge the gap known as Wolf River, which for those of you in the know, is the bigger, meaner, wolfier version of Wolf Creek. While our prefabricated bridge is on back order, we set to work pouring concrete footings, abutments, backfill, and other things that sound much dirtier than they actually are. We only ran into one teensy, tiny little problem...

No one here knows anything about concrete.

Enter Larry, Daryl, and Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel Concrete Construction!

Larry, Daryl, and Darrel to the rescue!

With minimal persuasion, they set to work hauling and pouring and forming and smashing and cursing and hammering and hauling some more and pouring again and generally making a lot of noise. We managed to catch Larry during a "union break" for an interview.

"This is a big job. Big jobs take time, and money. And we all know time IS money. So really, a job like this just takes money. Lots and lots of money. And if you've got the money, well, we've got the time."

And money we had! It wasn't long at all until the team moved into the backfill stage of operations.

Daryl and Darrel put the finishing touches on the backfill while Larry looks important.

With minimal persuasion, Larry, Daryl, and Darrel finished the job at hand in a reasonable timeframe.

The sun rises on the 37th day of concrete work.

While some might balk at our somewhat extended period of operations, I would like to state that they have an excellent point. Unfortunately, as per previous statements, we don't know anything about concrete or the pouring thereof, so we are really at the mercy of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel of Larry, Daryl, and Darrel Concrete Construction.

It may have taken 36 days longer than initially projected, and it may have cost 487% more than originally estimated, but in the long run, we are pleased with the overall results.

More as it develops.

(PS. Special thanks to Russ and the Passumpsic Mountain Railroad for loan of the concrete trucks!)

Hooray for dirt!

The recent infusion of Christmas money has breathed new life into the Beecher City Railroad!

With the removal of Chucky and Hayato the Ninja Mouse (who is still missing), our crews have been working with less mortal fear and more peanut butter. This renewed vigor has led to rapid completion of roadbed laying operations and most pre-track right-of-way work. Completion of roadbed preparation (photo lost in the Great Chicago fire) has paved the way, literally, for the next big project:

DIRT MOVING!

Forced to outsource the job, today we brought in Larry, Daryl, and Darrel, from Larry, Daryl, and Darrel's Dirt, local experts in moving massive amounts of Hat Box Brown dirt.

Meet Larry, Daryl, and Darrel. These guys know dirt!

With only minimal persuasion, they set to work. When they say "local experts in moving massive amounts of Hat Box Brown dirt," they mean three guys that are really really good at relocating copious quantities of Hat Box Brown dirt!

Go, guys, go!

It seemed like only an hour before they were celebrating the completion of the job.

In truth, it took approximately 60 minutes.

With only minimal persuasion, they packed up their equipment and headed home. Congratulations on a job well done, men! Cream sodas for everybody!

Should he be driving that on the road?

With the dirt in place, we are now prepared to begin laying track! Please, try to contain your excitement. We hope to bring you another groundbreaking update next Saturday. Before we go, let me pose a question. Does anybody have an idea what Chucky was up to in the workshop before INS deported him? Our investigative team went in to do whatever an investigative team does and has not been heard from since. We are open to theories. Leave your comments below.

More as it develops.

Happenings

Well, there's been a lot going around here lately. The roadbed is nearly complete, and we are gearing up to bring in a whole lot of dirt. After the dirt is put in place, we will begin the long and arduously exciting job of laying track. A recent grant has infused us with just enough money to make things move. We're still a long way from being profitable, but it's a start!

It's not all fun and games here, though. The fine folks at the Immigration and Naturalization Service recently raided our shop. As it turns out, the Chucky doll that had recently been promoted to the shop foreman position was actually made in Taiwan and lacked the proper paperwork to be gainfully employed in the United States. He has subsequently been deported, and the BCRR was forced to pay $1.37 in fines. 

Hayato the ninja mouse was terminated after he was caught pilfering peanut butter from various mousetraps on the property. Management has demanded that he vacate the property immediately, however, no one can find him.

With the recent personnel changes, Christoph, VP of Human resources, has asked me to pass on the following press release:

"NOW HIRING! THE BEECHER CITY RAILROAD HAS IMMEDIATE OPENINGS FOR THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS:

IN-HOUSE NINJA

THIS POSITION REQUIRES THAT THE APPLICANT BE FULLY TRAINED AND EXPERIENCED. JOB REQUIREMENTS INCLUDE DISAPPEARING AT THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF WORK, LEAVING OBSCURE MESSAGES IN RANDOM PLACES, AND ACTING GENERALLY WEIRD EVEN WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING.

MANIACAL SHOP FOREMAN

THIS POSITION REQUIRES THAT THE APPLICANT HAVE A PHD IN SOMETHING NO ONE HAS HEARD OF. PASSING KNOWLEDGE OF RAILROADS A PLUS. STOCK OF MINIONS/HENCHMEN PREFERRED BUT NOT REQUIRED. JOB REQUIREMENTS INCLUDE COMING UP WITH AND FAILING TO EXECUTE RIDICULOUS "EVIL" PLOTS, YELLING INCOHERENTLY AT UNDERPAID MINIONS, AND MANIC GIGGLING. LOTS OF GIGGLING.

CAPS LOCK REPAIR PERSON

EXPERIENCE REQUIRED

ALL JOB POSITIONS INCLUDE A FREE HAM SANDWICH* UPON HIRING! 

*WHILE SUPPLIES LAST"

More as it develops.